There\u2019s a certain kind of quiet sadness that creeps in when you’re scrolling through social media and see a group of friends out together\u2014laughing, hugging, sharing memories\u2014and you realize\u2026 you weren’t even thought of.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It’s a feeling I know all too well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Living with ADHD has shaped so much of who I am. I feel deeply\u2014sometimes too deeply for the world around me. I\u2019m the one who notices when someone\u2019s energy shifts in a conversation. I\u2019ll carry their emotions with me, mull over words I wish I hadn\u2019t said, and replay interactions in my head a hundred times just to figure out what I did wrong\u2014if anything at all.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I\u2019ve always been the fallback friend. The one people turn to when their usual group is busy. I\u2019ve rarely been someone\u2019s first choice. And as I move through my 40s, I\u2019ve come to realize how heartbreaking that really is. I crave connection. I crave a friendship group that checks in just because, that plans coffee catchups and spontaneous days out. A tribe. A circle. A home outside of my home.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
But more often than not, I find myself feeling like I\u2019m just too much<\/em> for people.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Too talkative. Too emotional. Too intense. There\u2019s a deep loneliness that comes with being different\u2014especially when you don\u2019t always understand why. I try so hard to be kind, to be thoughtful, to show up. But I\u2019m still left wondering why that effort isn\u2019t reciprocated. Why I\u2019m not someone people want to stay in regular contact with. Why I seem to slip through the cracks of people\u2019s lives so easily.<\/p>\n\n\n\n And I\u2019d be lying if I said it doesn\u2019t hurt. It does. Seeing people I thought I was close to meeting up without me, sharing inside jokes online, taking those picture-perfect selfies\u2014it stings. It makes me question myself. Am I broken in some way? Is there something about me that\u2019s just\u2026 not enough?<\/p>\n\n\n\n The impact on my mental health is real. Some days it feels like everyone else got the handbook on how to build deep, lasting friendships\u2014and I\u2019m still fumbling through the preface.<\/p>\n\n\n\n But amidst all of this, there is a light: my family.<\/p>\n\n\n\n They are my anchor. They love me wholly and unconditionally. They see my quirks and my chaos and my heart\u2014and they stay. For that, I\u2019m so grateful. They remind me that I\u2019m not alone, not really. And they remind me that I am<\/em> enough, even when the world makes me feel otherwise.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Too different.<\/p>\n\n\n\n![\"\"\/](\"https:\/\/substackcdn.com\/image\/fetch\/f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep\/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F085d1d1f-1298-4bcb-ad54-1edde2abc6b0.heic\")
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